Think Trump is Weird? Meet His North Carolina Friend
Notes from the Stump
- The Peeping Nazi Perv
- Kamala Harris Shoots Her Mouth Off
- Nazi Fanboy Carlson Taps into Lucrative Market
The Peeping Nazi Perv
Some people move so far beyond the pale and descend so deep into the unfathomable depths of surrealism that even the most gifted raconteur would have to accept the limits of his/her imagination and recognise the inadequacy of language to sketch and convey such departure from human sense and reason.
Meet Mark Robinson. He’s the Republican Party’s nominee for the governorship of North Carolina and a self-proclaimed ‘evangelical christian’ who sports not only the obligatory stars-and-stripes pin on the lapel of his jacket, but also a cross which is now his to carry.
After having been exposed in the media as a implacable bigot, Mr Robinson has become a joke, albeit one not particularly funny but rather sad.
Mr Robinson, who is black and possibly proud of that too, has been described by Donald Trump as “better than Martin Luther King” and “a Martin King on steroids.” However, Mr Robinson prefers to call himself a ‘black nazi’ and has argued for a return of slavery.
“Slavery is not bad. Some people need to be slaves. I wish they would bring it back. I would certainly buy a few.” Mr Robinson wrote these words in late 2010 in the comments section of Nude Africa, a pornographic website. Here, he admitted to being a ‘perv’ with a predilection for watching transgender porn. He also boasted of peeping at naked girls through the vent covers of the high school gym shower stalls.
Notwithstanding his enjoyment of transgender sex, Mr Robinson regularly refers to homosexuals as “maggots” and “filth”. Considering life precious, especially if unborn, he supports a total ban on abortion under any circumstance. Even so, he acknowledged that he encouraged his girlfriend and later wife to have one in the 1980s, which she duly did. He has repeatedly called abortion “child sacrifice” and argued that mothers of children born and yet unborn have lost the right over their own bodies which now belong to ‘y’all’.
KKK Dreams
In online comments on Martin Luther King, Mr Robinson has also been shown to hold strong opinions and express them without much forethought or civility. The Republican candidate for governor branded the civil rights icon a “commie bastard,” “worse than a maggot,” and “a fucking phony” [sic]. Mr Robinson goes on to deplore the refusal of the Ku Klux Klan to allow blacks to join: “If I was in the KKK, I would have called him Martin Lucifer Koon!” Whilst at it, he also stated that he’d much prefer Adolf Hitler to Barack Obama.
Currently, Mark Robinson is the lieutenant governor of North Carolina and the second-highest state official after the governor. In that capacity, Mr Robinson presides the state senate but may only cast a vote there in case the legislative chamber is equally divided. In 2020, he was carried into office after winning the lieutenant gubernatorial election with 51.6% of the vote.
Mr Robinson attributes his career in politics to late-talkshow host Rush Limbaugh whose books and talks made him realise that he had all along been a ‘conservative culture warrior’. The troubled candidate now accuses his detractors of ‘high-tech lynching’ and dismisses all reports on his off-beat opinions and behaviour as “salacious tabloid trash.” Mr Robinson also rejects calls to withdraw from the gubernatorial race in the face of his chequered past. He is currently trailing his Democratic opponent Josh Shein by eight percentage points.
Having caught on to his improbably far-out persona, numerous media outlets such as CNN, the New York Times, and the BBC, managed to dig up yet more of Mr Robinson’s ‘exotic’ statements. In 2017, he repeatedly questioned the gender of then-first lady Michelle Obama. In Facebook posts, he suggested that she was really a man. On that same platform he called Beyoncé songs ‘satanic chants’ and endorsed corporal punishment for children.
In common with his fan Donald Trump, Mr Robinson suffered several bankruptcies. His opponents shun the issue out of fear it might endear the oddball candidate to voters also struggling with a precarious financial reality.
Kamala Harris Shoots Her Mouth Off
Kamala Harris, the Democratic presidential hopeful, is trying to out-ho the gung-ho on guns. During a livestream chat with Oprah Winfrey on Thursday, Mrs Harris warned that “if someone breaks into my house, they’re getting shot.” Moments later, the candidate confessed she probably shouldn’t have said that, before explaining that, once elected, she won’t be trying to take “everybody’s guns away.”
Although Democratic candidates for public office have traditionally done their utmost to appear ‘pro-gun’ in an attempt to charm the powerful firearms lobby and second-amendment absolutists, none ever threatened to shoot a person. After her off-the-cuff remark, campaign officials were quick to explain that Mrs Harris doesn’t tour the country ‘loaded’ or ‘packed’. Her gun, they assured, is kept in a ‘secure location’ at her home in California.
Granny’s 19 Guns
Republican candidates are usually more comfortable discussing and showing off their firepower. Senator JD Vance, the nominee for vice-president on the Trump ticket and a proud hillbilly, frequently regales supporters with stories of his grandmother’s nineteen guns – “always kept loaded.” Last year, Mr Trump visited a gun shop in South Carolina where he expressed interest in buying a gold-plated Glock pistol, prompting questions about the legality of such a purchase given his multiple criminal indictments. The candidate did not buy the pistol.
In New York, Mr Trump has a license to carry a concealed weapon and owned three pistols registered under his name, two of which were handed over to the police at the start of his ‘hush money’ trial. The third pistol was legally transferred to Florida. Convicted felons are barred from owning firearms under federal law. The New York Police Department is currently in the process of revoking Mr Trump’s concealed carry permit.
Nazi Fanboy Carlson Taps into Lucrative Market
Nazi fanboy and fantasist Tucker Carlson, the former television host whose lies cost his employer $787 million, has found a new way of tapping into lucrative market of extreme alt-truths where the shocking, bizarre, and unspeakable are easily monetised.
This Saturday, Mr Carlson hosts Republican vice-presidential candidate JD Vance at a hockey arena in Hershey, Pennsylvania. The event is part of a sixteen-city cross country ‘live tour’ that runs parallel to the Republican election campaign.
The tour kicked off earlier this month in Arizona, one of seven electoral ‘swing states’. Here, British actor, activist, and provocateur Russel Brand appeared as a special guest. Mr Brand took to the stage barefooted to elaborate ad nauseam on his recent conversion to christianity. Earlier, he claimed to be a Buddhist.
The actor periodically turns up in the US where his reputation remains largely undented. In the UK, Mr Brand had to dodge accusations of sexual misconduct and emotional abuse from five women. At home, his conspiracy theories also fail to get the traction they enjoy in the US.
Messrs Carlson and Brand treated their audience in Arizona to a Bible sermon. Later, the born-again Brit dropped to his knees and led the audience in prayer.
Several thousand people are expected at tonight’s event in Hershey. Tickets have sold out with some fans dropping more than $1,600 on the privilege of watching their idol live on stage. The proceeds of his tour go towards the budding media company Mr Carlson set up after being fired from Fox News for knowingly lying on the air.
Nazi Hunger Games
However, Mr Carlson still knows how to grab a headline. Earlier this month, he hosted Nazi-apologist Darryl Cooper, a self-proclaimed historian, on his podcast and wholeheartedly agreed when his guest stated that Germany’s concentration camps were merely a “humane” way address the widespread hunger of the time. Mr Cooper was also effusively praised by his host for concluding that Adolf Hitler did everything in his power to ensure enduring peace in Europe but saw his efforts thwarted by Winston Churchill, the British prime minister, who insisted on fighting a world war.
Not to be outdone in the absurd, Mr Carlson – freed from corporate oversight and constraint – has marched into feverish swamps with statements aimed at generating clicks and playing to the darker side of his followers. He repeatedly calls the Jewish president of embattled Ukraine Volodymyr Zelensky “ratlike” and accuses him of “persecuting christians.” Mr Carlson also has it in for Harvard University which, he alleges, advocates “white genocide.”
After his dismissal from Fox News, emails surfaced that reveal Mr Carlson in a different, and much more reasonable, light. He frequently called Donald Trump and his MAGA movement “a demonic force.” Corresponding with colleagues and Fox News execs, he admitted that the Republicans had indeed lost the election and that allegations of fraud and tampering with voting machines were false.
However, on air Mr Carlson insisted on parroting and perpetuating the ‘Big Steal’ myth propagated by Mr Trump who blamed, and continues to blame, rigged voting machines for his defeat at the polls. The incessant peddling of lies, even those exposed as such by irrefutable proof, has a simple explanation: bare-faced lying pays – and does so handsomely. The more outrageous the claim, the more cash and fame it claims.
Cover photo: British actor, activist, and provocateur Russell Brand, now a born-again christian, performs an onstage prayer in Arizona.
© 2024 Photo screenshot The Tucker Carlson Show on YouTube
