Turkeys do not usually vote for Christmas. Still, some people seem genuinely surprised and dismayed by the species’ instinct for self-preservation. Azerbaijan derives more than ninety percent of its export earnings from the sale of oil and natural gas. Each day, the country pumps about 750,000 barrels of oil and dumps 650,000 of them on the global market, bringing in close to $20 billion annually. In November, Azerbaijan is to host COP29, the annual gathering of some forty thousand jet-setting government officials, NGO delegates, and assorted camp followers such as staff, guests, reporters, and ‘parties overflow’, i.e. the merely curious who are allowed to nose around the conference premises as long as they do not partake in the proceedings.