Campaign Fun Facts
Shorts Week 37
- Catfight! Marjorie X Laura
- Kamala Harris and the Chinese Strategist
- American Cheapskates Drop the Ball
Catfight! Marjorie X Laura
The Republican campaign for the presidency is being shredded to bits by an epic catfight between Trump groupies vying for the love and attention of their idol. Get the popcorn!
White supremacist congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (50) has weighed in on the Springfield cats-for-dinner story that went viral after Donald Trump parroted the tall tale during Tuesday night’s presidential debate.
The conspiracy-peddling blonde bombshell from Georgia ignited a dumpster fire when she tore mercilessly into the unsuspecting self-appointed ‘investigative journalist’ Laura Loomer (31), the source of the cat story and a social media personality with about 1.2 million followers.
Mrs Greene, a loyal Trump trooper, said Ms Loomer’s rhetoric and ‘tone’ do not match those of the MAGA movement. Senator Lindsey Graham (69), a South Carolina Republican and fellow trooper, had Mrs Greene’s back and questioned Ms Loomer’s experience, calling her ‘toxic’.
Adding to their aggravation, Ms Loomer cosied up to Mr Trump and was invited to accompany the septuagenarian candidate aboard his 33-year old private plane on a whistle stop tour of battleground states. Ms Loomer, the upstart not to be dismissed or bested, branded Mrs Greene “gutter trash” and doubled down on her cat-and-dog-dining alt-truth by noting that the Haitians of Springfield “eat humans too.”
Ms Loomer then went for Senator Graham’s jugular, calling him a “closeted gay man” – a grave insult in MAGA circles. Mr Graham never married and feels the need to periodically remind the nation that he is ‘straight’. Congresswoman Greene, Ms Loomer said, is just “jealous” that she is no longer a member of Mr Trump’s harem inner circle.
Meanwhile, Mr Trump called Ms Loomer “a free spirit” whom he cannot control. He added: “Laura is a supporter and a person of strong opinions.” Mr Trump helpfully explained that “lots of people” ride on his plane: “It’s a big plane.”
As the Marjorie vs Laura brawl escalated into an headline-grabbing catfight, the Republican campaign began showing signs of rot caused by internal disorder and discord with senior staffers publicly venting their frustration over Mr Trump’s progressive unmooring from reality, his ’fixation’ on social media memes and his ‘allegiance’ to their creators, failing to capitalise on issues such as national security and immigration.
Senator Thom Tillis, a Republican from North Carolina, worries that Mr Trump is alienating moderate Republicans and sowing division within the party by turning to ‘the fringes’. Senator Tilles called Ms Loomer “a crazy conspiracy theorist who regularly utters disgusting garbage.” The senator also noted that a ‘Democratic plant’ in the Republican campaign couldn’t do a better job of derailing Mr Trump’s bid for the presidency.
Kamala Harris and the Chinese Strategist
Democratic presidential hopeful Kamala Harris is not about to provide details on her policy plans. She’d rather adhere to the sage advice dispensed some 2,800 year ago by Chinese master strategist Sun Tzu.
In his book The Art of War, a slim tome on the philosophy of warfare and to this day required reading at military academies around the world, Sun Tzu warns against disturbing the enemy whilst he is making a mistake. The Chinese scholar also recommends confounding the opponent with ‘unfathomable plans’.
Mrs Harris is following the wise words of Sun Tzu to the letter. Although undecided voters clamour for more details on her plans for the country, Mrs Harris remains largely uncommitted to specifics, apart from offering a few broad brushstrokes. She wants to avoid upsetting or estranging special-interest groups whose members usually determine their political choice on a single issue.
It’s an astute strategy for the Democratic candidate. By denying her opponent ammunition to take potshots at policy specifics, Mrs Harris can sit back, relax, and watch the Republican campaign founder as it collapses due to infighting and extended exposure to ridicule.
Whilst most voters inclined to give Mrs Harris a ticket to the White House would love to hear more, most agree that the nitty gritty of policy is ‘tomorrow’s problem’. David Frum, the former speechwriter of president George W Bush and now reincarnated a podcast host, explains that ‘today’s problem’ is to “save the constitution, save NATO, save trade, and save American leadership in the world.”
Mr Frum argues that minor irritants such as the price of gasoline at the pump or that of groceries at Walmart must be put on hold until the big issues have been addressed: “If you are at all concerned about those larger issues, you can sweat the smaller ones later.”
In the face of Mr Trump’s extreme narcissism and warped psychological profile – his nephew Fred revealed that the former president suggested “disabled people should just die” – any shortcomings Mrs Harris may harbour seem innocuous by comparison. Whilst Mr Trump seems determined to reshape the US into his private fiefdom, Mrs Harris is unlikely to transform the country into a communist state.
Fred Trump’s son was born with a rare medical condition that caused intellectual and developmental disabilities. Though the Trump family paid for the care of Fred’s son, the pater familias questioned the long-standing arrangement: “I don’t know, Fred. He doesn’t recognise you. Maybe you should just let him die and move down to Florida.”
Though he was critical of his sister Mary Trump for publishing her tell-all book in 2020, Fred Trump Jr has now scribbled his own tome. All in the Family: The Trumps and How We Got to Be This Way was released early last month.
Mrs Harris also seems aware of the timeless political dictum: ‘if you’re explaining, you’re losing.’ That helps explain [sic] why the Democratic candidate does not engage Mr Trump on the economy. Whilst inflation has driven up prices across the board, wages outpaced those increases by a significant margin during the Biden Administration, boosting the purchasing power of most Americans.
However, consumers and economists experience inflation differently with the former seeing it eat into their well-earned pay hikes whilst the latter consider inflation, and any corresponding wage rises, as two sides of the same coin. Yet, no political adviser valuing his/her job, is about to suggest Mrs Harris do some lecturing on Economics 101 whilst on the stump.
American Cheapskates Drop the Ball
American support for Ukraine has been found wanting. The US fails to pay its way as Ukraine struggles to repel the Russian invader. The US Administration not only forbids the country to strike the aggressor where it hurts, Washington also lags in financial support for Kyiv.
Since the beginning of Russia’s ‘special military operation’, European countries have paid out over $120 billion in direct support to Ukraine with additional commitments totalling another $85.4 billion. Over the same period, the United States sent just $83.3 billion to the embattled country with a paltry $25.8 billion left in the pipeline. The numbers were compiled by the prestigious Kiel Institute for the World Economy.
During Tuesday night’s presidential debate, Donald Trump refused to clarify if he supports Ukraine in its fight against Russia – he was asked the question twice – but did manage to take a swipe at Europe, accusing the countries of the continent of not pulling their weight, falsely stating that the shortfall in aid amounts to a whopping $150 billion. However, verifiable and publicly available data show that the US is the laggard, reaffirming its well-earned reputation as a ‘Johnny come lately’ to wars of existential significance.
Mr Trump also ‘knows’ that Ukraine has sustained over a quarter of a million deaths. Only a few weeks ago, Mr Trump assured Dr Phill that he had counted “more than a million” fallen soldiers. On Tuesday evening, Mr Trump repeated his boast that once elected, but before taking office, he would end the war within 24 hours. However, he declined to explain how he would do that and deflected questions by insisting that he wants the war “to stop.”
During his first term in the Oval Office, Mr Trump was dogged by accusations of collusion with Russia and repeatedly called its president Vladimir Putin “savvy” and “a genius” for ordering the invasion of Ukraine.
Mr Trump has not yet found an enemy he is not eager to hoist a white flag for, even if only faced by semi-literate, robe-clad, and bearded islamic zealots. The former coward-in-chief has now apparently bought into president Vladimir Putin’s nuclear rhetoric and warned viewers: “he’s got nuclear weapons. And eventually, uh, maybe he’ll use them.”
President Putin repeatedly threatened with nuclear escalation in case his country’s territorial integrity was violated. However, Ukraine’s invasion of the Kursk oblast, where its army secured a 1,300 square kilometre bridgehead, has so far not elicited a response from the Kremlin.
Cover photo: Laura Loomer (left), the new kid on Donald Trump’s block, and Marjorie Taylor Greene, a long-time Trump groupie, hurl slurs at each other in a catfight of epic proportions.
© 2024 Photoshop montage by CFI Press.
